So It Begins

I have wrestled with the idea, the thought of blogging about this journey for quite some time now. And every time I sit with the idea, I come up with TONS of reasons why it simply isn’t the right time. I need a logo…I need to watch more YouTube videos and Periscopes of bloggers…I need more time to actually write…I need content because I haven’t officially embraced this whole idea yet…and the list goes on. Then I realized that even my hemming and hawing about getting started was actually part of the process that I could share! I put the ‘PRO’ in procrastinator and it has crippled me in so many ways. So today, in my quest to simultaneously START and combat procrastination, I am lifting the veil – ever so slightly – on the inner workings called ME.

This is not my quest to lose weight. That’s what I said in my first blog that TheSkinnyGirlSpeaks, and in large part, that’s true. But weight loss will be a by-product of my journey of self-discipline as I travel the road that my heavenly Father – Abba, I call Him – predestined for my life. TheSkinnyGirlSpeaks is my guide who will lead me along the path with all the twists and turns that I know are sure to come. These days, however, she’s really pulling me. Actually YANKING me because I’m hesitant to go. I still feel the call that compels me to workout here and there. I even answered when she told me to sign up for a 6k run, well walk for me. But I am realizing that there’s something deeper behind my resistance.

It’s a blessing to know smart people. A few years ago, I was blessed to meet a wonderfully intelligent woman who would be my boss. She was pursuing her doctorate and I had the very fortunate opportunity to glean from her during that time. She introduced me to a study called Immunity to Change. I’ll attempt to regurgitate what I can remember – in an oversimplified explanation. Basically, we all want to improve ourselves but many of us have barriers that prohibit such growth. Typically, the barriers are very valid reasons in our lives. These barriers are called “competing commitments”. These are the little buggers that logically pop up when our introspection begins to lead us down the path of change. You see, most people really don’t like change and the majority of us find it difficult to manage. Which is what many do who actually change – they manage their dislike for change. For others of us, we listen to the competing commitments tell us why it doesn’t make sense to do something radically different since after all, we have enough on our plates. So here’s what it looks like. TheSkinnyGirl says, “You should go to the gym.” But the (valid) competing commitment says, “You know you don’t have time for that. You’re hosting guests this weekend and really need to finish getting the house ready. There are errands to run and so much left to do!” The validity of what needs to be done competes with the thought (going to he gym) that leads to change. Now again, I’m oversimplifying a very complex psychological school of thought so for any academicians reading this, please pardon my naiveté. There’s this whole process that you can be guided through to get to the deep down root of things.

So, what’s the real skinny?? I’m allowing TheSkinnyGirl, aka the Holy Spirit, to speak to me, leading me down into the dirt to find out what’s at the root or the heart of things with me. I may be kicking and screaming now but here’s the thing. I KNOW I’ll not only dis-cover the truth but I’ll also allow the real me to step out from underneath the shell that I’ve comfortably worn my whole life. And I also KNOW that the physical weight I carry now will be shed during the process. There will be wins. There will be losses. But I will stay engaged in this battle and for me that’s a victory all its own.

Who IS the Skinny Girl?

Who Is The Skinny GirlHave you ever read “The Shack” by Canadian author William P. Young? It’s a book that created quite a stir with its portrayal of God as a Black woman (Papa). Well, there was another character in the book, the Holy Spirit, who was personified as an Asian woman (Sarayu). This is where the Skinny Girl comes into play for me. I know that the voice inside me is actually the Holy Spirit, leading me into truth about myself. It just came to me one day as I succumbed to this weird desire to go hiking on one of the local trails that there simply had to be someone else inside me stirring up this bizarre desire to engage in physical activity. So, I envisioned in an amusing way, a skinny version inside prompting me to do things that are very unlike me.

For several years now, I have been subtly nudged here and there by the skinny girl. I would like to say that I am in NO WAY using the term “skinny” in a derogatory manner. This is simply how I envision the internalized relationship with myself as I go on this journey to uncover who God says I am…mind, body and spirit.

This is not my quest to lose weight. For the most part, I’m quite fine where I am in that area. Now, do I have good and bad days? Absolutely! Do I ever look at myself in the mirror and dislike what I see? Yes! Am I ever frustrated when I go shopping and nothing fits properly? You’d better believe it! I’m heavy but I’m healthy (Dr. says so). I just know that where I am now is not where I will be when this is all over. Not physically, not mentally, not spiritually. I believe that God’s will for me is that through patience and endurance I will be whole, complete and lacking in nothing (James 1:4).

Come with me. I’d like to invite you to follow me on this journey and I pray that you, too, are encouraged, inspired and/or provoked to begin or deepen your own search into who the Lord says you are as well.

Peace and Blessings.