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Recently, someone asked me how I do this…STAY motivated despite what life has thrown at me, before and ESPECIALLY during this time of shelter-in-place, curfews, social distancing, etc. If you listen to my podcast, The Skinny Girl Speaks, then you know that in August 2019 I was led by God into a season of preparation away from everyone and everything I’ve ever known. I miss my family. I get lonely. I miss my comfortable life. But the following practices keep me motivated and encouraged on a daily basis.

This is typically my first go-to. I communicate with God daily through prayer (usually in the spirit) and/or reading and studying the Bible in some capacity. It may be an in depth study or a devotional. During these times, there’s usually a word or phrase that just sticks out and resonates with me. I follow it – meaning I  read it a few times and begin to write what comes to mind. That’s God speaking through scripture. For more info on this topic, check out my podcast episode, “Is That You God?”, where I share details on how God speaks to us.

Then, a pretty cool way I spend time with the Lord is while I’m asleep. Yes, you read that right…lol! I have several prayer videos bookmarked on YouTube that I listen to at night while sleeping. Our spirit is open and many people don’t realize this is an impressionable time. For some people, this is the only time God really gets to speak to them…because they’re finally quiet!

God never fails me in these times of intimacy with Him.

As I shared earlier, I’m literally away from all the comforts and familiarity of life but thanks to technology, God has blessed me to stay connected to strategic people in the Kingdom in a meaningful way. I have a very small group of sisters in Christ that God divinely connected me with for this season. I already knew them but the connection is different & clearly intentional for accountability, sharpening & encouragement.

The relationship I have with the sisters is divinely organic. We communicate often via text. We confess to one another. Pray. Share scriptures. Call each other out on things. Encourage each other through health challenges. Men. Family. Speak life into each other’s callings/Kingdom assignments. Pose questions for discussion. Nothing is off limits because this is a safe place.

Holy Spirit has led us to do FaceTime video chats too. We all engage as He leads us so the burden is not one just one person to keep the group active.

I went to the Bible & got examples where Jesus modeled this because I didn’t want to carelessly hop onto the self care trend. This term is often misinterpreted as self indulgence. But that’s not the case. There are scriptures where Jesus got away from the crowds from time to time. In fact, Luke 5:16 says, “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” He also encouraged the disciples to  do so as well. See, Jesus understood that getting away to take care of himself increased His ability to present the best version of Himself to attend to the needs of the people. So following His example, I listened to Holy Spirit as He gave me specific instructions for how to take care of my body, soul & spirit. Most people think a bubble bath and candles are the sum total of this but since we are three part beings, all areas of who we are need to be taken care of – with intentionality.

I am busy with specific tasks God has put on my plate that are SO much bigger than me and they’re out of my realm of understanding so research and study of topics I’m not familiar with are required. This differs from busy-ness in that I’m not just looking for ways to pass time. These are Kingdom related assignments that God is walking me through. My attention is not idle but directed and focused.

What are your thoughts? I’d like to hear your ways of staying motivated in tough times. Drop a comment below.

An old song comes to mind when I think of this topic. “I made a vow to the Lord and I won’t turn back.” Vow – a solemn promise. Specifically, “one by which a person is bound to an act, service, or condition.” We vow to be faithful to our spouse in matrimony. We vow to love God and serve no other when we accept Christ into out hearts. These are definitely good promises to make. But there’s a different kind of vow that can end up hindering our growth, stunting our potential. It’s the inner vow – the ones we make to ourselves.

Lot’s of things happen internally. We go into defense or preservation mode in our psyche as a way of protecting ourselves. When we have been deeply hurt, we may not only shut down and pack the experience down into a deep dark box way in the back of our mind, but we may vow to never be placed in certain situations because we don’t want to experience that pain ever again! We may say things like, “I’ll never be like my (insert least favorite family member here)!” Or “I’ll never let my children go without what they want!” These things on the surface seem ok especially if the relative was abusive or you as a child went without basic necessities.

But my experience with inner vows is different and probably a pretty common scenario. The kind of vow where we take our lives into our own hands. We promise ourselves that we will never give up our control again. We will put certain stakes in the ground so that we can protect ourselves. We will never trust again because, well…remember that last time??  These are some subtle inner vows that when you look at them closely they seem to say one thing. I don’t trust God to take care of this for me so I’ll do it myself. When we do this, we are left to our own devices. All the pressure to keep us afloat, to keep us sane, to keep us safe (we think) are done within our own power. These are the times we end up frustrated, stunted and stressed out.

I broke 2 inner vows that I didn’t realize I had made until I was on a prayer call and someone began to pray about the specific ones I had made!! 😮 I’m a widow of 2 years and told God (1) I never wanted to marry a pastor/minister, nor (2) do I want a man dedicated to the church. Now, on the surface you might think, “She must be crazy! I’d love to have a man like that!” This was due by and large to my past experience. I’ll just say this, often pastors/ministers are so fixated on “the call” that they overlook their first calling, which is to their home. There’s a lack of balance and this is very unfortunate. Things may look fine and dandy to outsiders, but no one knows what really goes on but the ones who live in that home. So I said Lord, I want just a regular God-fearing man who loves you and that’s enough.

The second vow was made because God is delivering me and releasing me from religion. I LOVE God so much and this freedom, y’all!! It has been incredible! I don’t want to go back under “church” oppression.

In Matthew chapter 15, the Pharisees are challenging Jesus about why his disciples are breaking a tradition (not washing their hands before eating). He basically told them that they were hypocrites because they “cancel God’s commands by their rules” (The Message). Then Jesus went on to say in verses 8 and 9 that people honor Him with their lips but their hearts are far from Him and they worship in vain. Their teachings are merely human rules. (NIV paraphrased…read it) I have had my fill of dedication to human rules. There are many whose allegiance is to church tradition instead of The Church. I am a seeker of Truth, not tradition. This is liberating. So I made a vow.

But here’s what I have come to understand. I am following God in a way that challenges the religious norm and my heart is open to Him in a way it wasn’t before. When in prayer, my heart is tender toward God in a special way. Hearing these vows called out made me see that I was not trusting God and brought conviction. I was prepared to screen him (whoever he is…lol) right out of my life even if God presented him as the one for me.

But seriously, conviction is when our hearts are sorry and we come closer to God for forgiveness, knowing that He is faithful and just. Condemnation may cause us to feel sorry but the difference is that it causes us to hide from God in guilt and shame. So do this. If you think you have made an inner vow, one of those “I  will never…”, look into your heart and see if you are tender and repentant to God about it. The Holy Spirit will guide us into all Truth, even about the things in our hearts.

I trust God and I’m sorry for thinking I know better than He does what’s best for me. Although I would never say that and didn’t think I had, I see now that I made the vows to protect me. But God’s plans are for peace, hope & a future. He’s got me.

Sis, Bro…You can renounce the inner vow. Repent and let it go. 😇  God’s got us.

This started off as a Facebook post but I soon realized it was getting too long. Could I have shortened it? Of course, but I wanted to take my time and present this. When I switched my brain to blog-mode, the title sounded like a book title, so naturally I Googled it. Sure enough, it is a series of books written by author, Squire Rushnell. Drat, he beat me to it! Lol! Digging a little further, I learned that this is an actual term (Am I the last to know this?):

god–wink. Noun. (plural God winks) An event or personal experience, often identified as coincidence, so astonishing that it is seen as a sign of divine intervention, especially when perceived as the answer to a prayer. (yourdictionary.com)

My God wink wasn’t divine intervention as the answer to a prayer but it was assurance that God and I were on the same page about some things in my life – very important things.

I was at dinner with a friend and we prayed before parting ways. The restaurant was about to close so we stopped just outside, in front to do this. We had parked a ways from each other and it was convenient. We were the second to last customers there and I thought the others were still eating as we left. They walked out just as we finished and the wife came over to us. She asked if she and her husband could pray also. Well, certainly you can! When he walked up, his T-shirt had “ITALIA” emblazoned across the chest. I LAUGHED!! He smiled but was obviously a little taken aback. Noticing the friendly, yet quizzical look on his face, I explained. A few days ago, I posted on Facebook that Italy was the most recent country to join the list of places where my podcast (The Skinny Girl Speaks) had been heard AND it’s the first stop on my very soon vacation.

Meeting fellow believers was God’s way of winking at me as if to say, “Yep, I’m with your podcast (which He confirms through feedback on a regular basis) and I’ll also be with you on your Jubilee vacation trip!” This resonated with me and I felt Him in that moment. It was like a welcoming arm draping over my shoulder and pulling me into a safe hug. My Father is SO good like that. It’s one of the innumerable ways He loves and speaks to us. Why, you may ask? As with the majority of us (dare I say ALL of us) who obey God’s direction that pulls you out of a comfort zone and places you in a spotlight of sorts, it’s challenging. By spotlight, I mean with no one else to hide behind under the guise of “partnering”. You feel vulnerable. You second guess yourself. You feel ill-equipped. And many other nagging negative thoughts begin buzzing around in your mind like a bunch of meddlesome mosquitoes. When starting the podcast, the thoughts said, “No one’s gonna listen.” When booking my solo vacation abroad, the thoughts said. “Everyone’s gonna stare at you.” So when God, winked, I desperately needed His validation. It warmed my heart and gave me the boost I needed.

We continued to chat, laugh and pray some more. What a wonderful evening it was!

I’ve mentioned the following before either on my podcast or probably in a previous blog. But I’d like to be intentionally repetitious.

God is talkative.

I’ve talked to many people who have said that they don’t talk to God because He doesn’t listen or care. When I ask what makes them think that, the responses are similar, “Because He never talks to me.” Oh, my dear friend! God talks all the time! Since He IS Almighty, His methods of communication are vast! You gotta listen/look for Him all the time. Remember the story of the prophet Elijah when God was talking to him? Elijah was trying to hear God in an earthquake, the wind and fire. But God’s voice came a different way, one to which Elijah was not yet accustomed. Same for us. This particular example for me was the God wink. I don’t believe in coincidences.

God cares about every aspect of our lives.

Someone once told me that with everything going on in the world, God has bigger fish to fry. Meaning my issues, concerns, requests paled in comparison, That person couldn’t have been more wrong. Here’s how I see it. If God cares enough to know the number of hairs on our head (which changes ALL the time) and bottles up our tears, then surely He’s interested in my “insignificant” things. He wants us to invite Him into our whole life, not compartmentalize and confine Him to Sunday service and maybe Wednesday night Bible study or small group.

I end every podcast with this, “God wants to do life with you.” so He sends us God winks along the way to remind us that He’s right there with us.

I’ve shared my story with quite a few people – both men and women. But it’s been the ladies, my sisters, my fellow female compadres, who have been impacted the most by my journey. I’m sure this is due by and large to their ability to see themselves in my shoes, doing what I’m doing. A comparative boosting, if you will. “If she can do it, so can I.” And that’s a good thing. So often we look at others and negatively belittle ourselves. We count ourselves out because we don’t feel like we measure up. We listen to the antagonizing little voice that says, “Who are YOU to think you can do this?” But when I share my life with someone and they’re prompted to do more, THAT’S a win/win!! I’ve sharpened someone, not caused them to feel little and insignificant. It’s what I’ve come to realize I was created for. That gives me life.

A few weeks ago, I was at dinner with a mentor/friend, bringing her up to speed on all that’s gong on in my life. I am impressed by and look up to her. So when she sat riveted and listened to me, I was inspired and shocked at the same time. Someone wants to listen to what I have to say?!? She proceeded to tell me that I need to reach more people with my story. Truth be told, I had heard this many times before but when she said it, it happened to be during my “Season of Yes”.

SEASON OF YES

You see, I’ve said NO to so many things. Talked myself out of countless opportunities, experiences. Why? Because I was afraid. As I mentioned before, many of us often discourage ourselves from being great. No one is in our way but us! We let an often small voice talk us right out of big things. So during my time talking to God, I told Him that I was breaking up with fear. I’m done!! I’m gonna start saying Yes to opportunities. I want to see how far God will go if I give Him my Yes. And it’s what’s pushing me forward these days. It’s what fuels my courage and bravery…which I didn’t even know was within me.

A PODCAST IS BORN

After dinner that night, I went home and thought about it some more. I went to work the next day and asked a friend questions about a microphone, headsets, editing software, getting a jingle created, etc. Old habits die hard so I quickly recognized that this “research” was my slipping back into talking myself out of something great. This was classic Ingra Procrastination…lol! I downloaded the app right then. I knew I had to strike while the iron was, well not exactly hot but still relatively warm to the touch.  I recorded and published my first episode that same afternoon, “The Skinny Girl Speaks” podcast. And it felt amazing! You can listen on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcast, Spotify, Anchor, Breaker, Overcast, Stitcher, Pocket Casts, and RadioPublic.

THE WIN/WIN

I’ll share about my life and all the invaluable things I’m learning and experiencing. Specifically, in the areas of my faith in Christ, grief, life transition and travel. I hope that as you listen, you are spurred to do more – even if it’s just a little. That’s a win for you. Then come back here to let me know what you think. Let me know if anything resonated with you. That’s a win for me.

So WHO wants to admit this?? It’s never a comfortable place to be when you find out that some of the beliefs you’ve held onto for years offend God, the very One you seek to please. You thought you were doing the right thing, much like Paul, because this is what you were taught as truth. But when He, the Spirit of Truth, challenges you, you’re knocked off your feet & rendered dumbstruck as you learn all over again! It’s scary at first. Then that initial wonder returns as God clears the cobwebs, peels back the layers, & ushers you into a pure walk, re-introducing you to Him.

“Hello, my child. I’m Abba. Let ME tell you who I AM.”

I realize that I’m taking a very bold stance and many will not agree, but I was already told, similarly like Ezekiel, that many would not receive this. That’s ok, for I’m merely sharing my PERSONAL journey with God. Take it, leave it, or just read it for entertainment purposes.

The Lord began exposing my Pharisaical tendencies a few years ago and the acceleration of this uncovering increased after Martin passed away. From time to time I’ll share more. But for now, it all started with a Christian who cussed and my spirit just curdled!! You see, I was introduced to Christ through the Holiness denomination and if you did ANYTHING that wasn’t Godly (by their guidelines), you simply weren’t saved. If you weren’t filled with the Holy Ghost & that with fire with the evidence of speaking in tongues, you weren’t holy enough…you still had things to be delivered from before God would deem you worthy of filling you with His Spirit. You’re a woman & you wear pants? You needed deliverance…and the list goes on of many judgements doled out indicating that you didn’t measure up to the “standard”. This became the lens through which I judged the world…all of it!

Here’s what God shared with ME when I prayed about this person later that evening. “You don’t understand my grace…because if you did you wouldn’t judge some things the way you do.” Thus began the peeling off of layers packed on from years of spiritual oppression. That evening, He began to deconstruct what I had been taught about Him, based on human rules. Now, before some of you get nervous, I’m STILL saved. I’m just allowing God to help me throw aside the extra baggage & get rid of things that have tripped me up so I can run this race more effectively.

My heart’s desire is to know God, to live freely and expansively right here on earth (not just in the sweet by & by), and to encourage others to know God personally.

“The Lord says: “These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught.”

Isaiah 29:13 NIV

This is MY confession.

I have a close knit immediate family. While having lunch one Saturday afternoon, the topic of our “circle” or “tribe” came up. They were of the opinion that making friends isn’t easy and while I agree, I also think it’s not AS hard as some may think.

Scripture tells us that if we want to have friends, BE friendly (Proverbs 18:24). So why is it that there are friendly people, who find it hard to make friends? I’ve thought about this over the years as I look at my own network. I love variety. But when I looked at my “tribe”, which includes my spiritual one, they all looked the same…like me. Why is that when I’ve always longed for different cultural connections in my life. Not just being courteous and interacting on a surface level, but having a real connection with someone from another race.

Psychologist, Donn Byrne, did some research that resulted in this:

“…most of us have a need for a logical and consistent view of the world. We tend to favour ideas and beliefs that support and reinforce that consistency. People who agree with us validate our attitudes and so satisfy this need, whereas people who disagree with us tend to stimulate negative feelings – anxiety, confusion and maybe even anger – that lead to repulsion.” (psypost.com)

So I guess, these familiar views are typically shared racially?? Or perhaps, it’s just our desire for familiarity in general be it views, food preferences, social experiences, or whatever. Not sure about that but here are my thoughts. As a Christian, I don’t believe in coincidence so I take meeting people seriously. I believe God is intentional. So when I am blessed to meet someone, God has a plan of some sort. As a Christian, I carry the Gospel – the good news – and have a mandate from God to share it. Not by preaching to everyone I come in contact with but through a smile, a brief conversation, letting others see how He does everyday life with me, sharing my testimony of His hand in my life, etc.

So what I’m saying is this. I look for the ways that God wants to make what I call “creation connections”. He put things, GOOD things, in all of us. Saved and unsaved alike, He made all of us in His image. Just as there is something in me to share with someone, there’s a reciprocal benefit for me, too! Hence, the reason we should look for Him to show up in all the ways He blesses us to relate to others. With God, it’s a win/win.

So what does this have to do with the Skinny Girl, you may ask? Well after lunch that day, we went to a Nail bar for extended girl time and pampering. I was the only one who needed a pedicure so I was essentially separated from my “tribe”. I sat next to a woman and after almost an hour of silence as we were glued to our individual phones, we ended up chatting. She’s a not a Believer. She’s a runner/hiker/biker and is always looking for places to enjoy the great outdoors. The Skinny Girl in me keeps calling me to the trails. Long story short, I introduced her to a place where I go most often, Prayer Mountain. You see what I see? A “creation connection” that never would have been made had I chosen to keep to myself and ignored an opportunity to be friendly at the nail bar.

Peace and Blessings!